Self-fulfilling prophecies, or how to make a failure of yourself

Why are some people hostage to their own beliefs?

I am going to tell you the story of Oedipusbut not the part everyone knows, when the Greek mythological character falls in love and marries his mother, but what happens before; the series of unfortunate events that lead to the extravagant denouement.

The prequel, to be in tune with the times.

Oedipus and the fate of the Oracle of Delphi

Oedipus lived happily with his parents in Corinth. However, it seems that he had a somewhat anxious nature... Worried about what the future held for him, he once decided to consult the Oracle of Delphi, something similar to the modern horoscope but more sophisticated, related to the divinatory abilities of certain Greek gods.

Faced with Oedipus' uncertainty and insecurity about his future fate, he decided to consult the Oracle of Delphi, the Oracle pronounced tragically and forcefully: "Your destiny is to murder your father and marry your mother". Of course, Oedipus was horrified at the idea.

How could he ever do such a thing? It seemed unthinkable, inconceivable; but the truth was that the Oracle had an impeccable reputation: he was never wrong when predicting the destiny of those who consulted him. What the Oracle anticipated, came true. It was law.

Oedipus knew it perfectly well, as did all the inhabitants of ancient Greece. Nevertheless, he refused to resign himself to his fate, he had to do something immediately to avoid being involved in such an atrocity. Without knowing the reasons that could lead him to patricide and incest, but convinced that this would be the case if he did not take action, he decided to leave the house where he lived without further explanation and go to another city, far away from the temptations that lay in wait for him in the future.

So he mounted his horse and headed for Thebes..

The journey went smoothly, until one day, in a desolate place near the entrance to the city that would welcome him and free him from his fate, as Oedipus believed, he had an altercation with an old man who was driving a chariot. They argued over who should pass first, insulted each other, and before the two men could realize it they were engaged in a terrible fight that would have the worst ending: In the struggle, and blinded by anger, Oedipus ended up killing the old man and fleeing in fear from the place. In matters of traffic, nothing has changed since then.

Some time later, already installed in his new home, Oedipus met Iocasta, the queen of Thebes, who had recently been widowed, and they fell in love. To simplify the story a little and save details that are not relevant, I will say that they were engaged for a few months and then married.

What follows is the part of the story that everyone knows. Oedipus discovers that those he thought were his real parents were not really his real parents, for he had been adopted when he was very young. The old man he had stumbled upon on his way to the city was none other than Laius, the king of Thebes and Oedipus' Biological father, and the woman he had married, his real mother. A disaster of Greek proportions, no more and no less..

Horrified by what he had done, and gripped by the most pressing despair, Oedipus plucked out his eyes with his own hands and condemned himself to banishment, the worst punishment at that time, and only applicable to those who committed the most aberrant crimes.

The dramatic designs of the Oracle had been fulfilled to the letter. Oedipus had finally been overtaken by his destiny.

The self-fulfilling prophecy that leads to failure

The reader is probably wondering why I am telling you this in an article whose title promises otherwise. Well, I find it an interesting starting point, a nice metaphor to understand what follows.

Actually, it was the "belief" in the certainty of the oracle that caused, precisely, the Oracle's prognosis to come true.. When Oedipus decided to leave Thebes, instead of seeking more information about it, he set in motion the mechanisms that would lead him directly to his final destination.

Beyond the obvious paradox, here it is interesting to observe the power of belief over reality.

Expectations and how we are hostage to them

By definition, a belief is an assertion or a premise that influences our thinking and our behaviorIn reality, this assertion has not been proven or we do not have valid evidence to support its veracity.

Believing "something" is not synonymous with that "something" actually existing. However, the mere fact of believing it is often enough to turn it into a verifiable reality. That is why we must take care of the influence that our expectations play in our way of thinking. In the story of Oedipus, "believing" that he was going to end his father's life was what triggered him, no more and no less, to end his father's life.

The set of our beliefs, before our own reality, often determines the things that happen to us in life, and how we feel. That's how we are. That's how we function.

Beliefs that generate stress and anxiety

Certain beliefs are often at the basis of vulnerability to stress. Let's look at some typical cases.

1. Ramiro wants to flirt by being eccentric.

Ramiro believes that in order to attract and conquer a girl, he has to be eccentric, witty and sophisticated.. "If I show myself as I am, no one will like me," he says to himself.

Under this premise, when Ramiro goes out with a girl for the first time, he puts on a character that in reality is totally alien to him. In his eagerness to please, he never stops talking about himself, highlighting his values, openly boasting about his virtues and maximizing his achievements.

No one should be surprised that Ramiro doesn't have a girlfriend.. The women who have dated him describe him as unspontaneous, egomaniacal and boring. The poor guy never gets past the first date. Once again, this modern Oedipus takes the flight that leads him nonstop to perdition.

2. Silvia feels the need to have a partner.

Silvia, on the other hand, believes that it is impossible to live without love.. And in order to feel loved by her partner, she is capable of anything.

She avoids conflicts by any means, because she thinks that a fight can lead to the breakup of the relationship. In this context, Silvia never argues for anything with Franco, she closes her mouth to everything he does that bothers her; and she immediately accepts, whether she agrees or not, everything he says or proposes.

Silvia believes that it is necessary to immolate oneself for love, and so their relationship develops, until one day, Franco, exasperated by so much submission, passivity and lack of initiative, decides to suddenly end the relationship.

To whom it may concern, Franco has no qualms in explaining that he needs a real woman by his side, not a daughter, let alone a daughter's daughter.not a daughter, much less a servant.

3. Carla is convinced that her fiancé is unfaithful.

Carla is engaged to Fernando, an important lawyer, and for some time now he has been For some time now she has had the idea in her head that her fiancé is unfaithful..

Because of his profession, the man spends a lot of time away, but beyond that, Carla doesn't really have any proof that her boyfriend is cheating on her.

Nevertheless, Carla is obsessed. She constantly checks his cell phone for any incriminating clue, calls him countless times a day just to check where he is, and gets angry and scolds him frequently for his little lapses, such as being ten minutes late when they meet to do something together, a fact that for her is always significant and leads her to suspect that "he is up to something shady".

Scared and resentful of her boyfriend because of the ideas that are brewing in her own brain, rather than because of reality, Carla spends a good part of the day in a bad mood. By way of revenge for his improbable misdeeds, half the time she treats him with cold indifference and the other half she is well disposed to argue about any trifling matter..

No matter how many times he tells her how much he loves her, gives her chocolates, takes her out to dinner every weekend, or gives her a full day at a spa for the bride's day; Carla systematically disregards all these positive gestures and continues obstinately in her fruitless quest to prove the veracity of her paranoid beliefs.

In this context, Fernando, of course, feels neglected, unrequited in his love for her and often mistreated. Sometimes he even jokes with his friends that he has fallen in love with a Gestapo officer.

One day, by chance, without intending to, Fernando meets a girl who is the sister of a client. She impresses him as cordial, nice and unstructured. They like each other and before they know it, they end up having a coffee and chatting in a bar. Well, I leave it to the reader's imagination what happens next.

At this point, probably if the relationship with Carla had not been so deteriorated by his indefatigable mistrust, Fernando would not have been tempted or had the need to seek affection in another woman.

Carla, like the previous characters in these short fictional stories inspired by real cases from my clinical experience, has been the architect of her own destiny.

The importance of not allowing ourselves to be blindly guided by our beliefs

We have thus established that our beliefs and expectations affect the way we perceive ourselves and others, and can lead us down the path of our own destiny.and can lead us down the wrong path.

To make matters worse, we are always well predisposed to look for evidence that confirms our previous beliefs, and we are very reluctant to look for evidence to the contrary. We are equally enthusiastic about corroborating what we think, and equally lazy about investigating the reasons why we might be wrong.

The paradox here is that, many times, the most sensible way to find out whether we are right or wrong is to try to dismiss our own opinions..

I believe that we should periodically review everything we believe in, especially if it is negative, because it could be having a powerful impact on our daily lives, without us being aware of it, and pushing us, without us realizing it, to create a reality that does not favor us.

Someone once said: "define a reality, and it will be a reality in its consequences". This is absolutely true. Oedipus can give a lecture on this.