Shyness in the child

Shyness in children is a more or less frequent problem that can occur, to a greater or lesser degree, in certain situations. If this shyness causes states of stress, and becomes pathological, it is necessary to consult a specialist, since the lack of socialization can affect the child's learning and schooling.

Shyness is learned

Extreme shyness can be a clear manifestation of a child's lack of security and self-esteem. Although it is not ruled out that genetic factors that may “predispose” towards shyness have an influence, it is true that emotional and environmental factors have a great weight that makes us think that one is not born being shy, but that one “learns” both from own experience and for witnessing behaviors and forms of behavior of others. Thus, the role models that the child observes in his daily performance become an important element.

If he is used to very frequently, devalued or ridiculed often, especially compared to other children, or if he is prevented from showing his emotions and expressing himself adequately, it is easy to understand that shyness will serve as a protection, as a defensive shield that It will allow you not to face those situations where you will doubt your ability and abilities to be able to get out of them successfully.

When should we worry?

The shyness in the child It becomes a problem that we must worry about when the child adopts the following positions:

• He avoids social relationships: he does not want to see the school children, he constantly criticizes to be related and even goes so far as to say that he does not want to go to the playground to play.
• He does not relate: at school the teachers warn that he does not relate in class, he does not want to say anything out loud or, if he does, he has a very bad time.
• He hides behind us every time we meet someone on the street.
• Does not systematically participate in joint activities with other children.

What can be done about shyness in the child?

• Psychological help: if shyness has reached an extreme where the child is affected by his school performance, socially isolates him and experiences frequent stress and anxiety situations, the option of seeking professional help should be considered.
• Find out the origin of shyness in the child to treat it more effectively. The causes can be multiple: genetic, environmental, emotional, learning ... The shy child is not because of a whim or bad education. Behind it there is usually emotional suffering and feelings of being different.
• Make a team for the child to overcome his shyness: both parents and teachers must team up to ensure that the child improves his social integration.
• Treat the problem naturally without seeing excessive concern in the parents, otherwise it could pose an additional burden.
• Give confidence and time: motivate him to overcome, according to his age, new challenges but without overwhelming him. Each child has their own strategies to cope with stressful situations and we must promote those that we consider appropriate.
• Do not judge the child: try to make him feel understood and, above all, do not trivialize the problem because it is surely a major anxiety factor for him.
• Give the child the possibility to tell what is happening to him: do not anticipate answering or thinking for him.
• Promote comfortable relationship situations for the child: meeting friends with children in spare time can be a good idea.
• Do not pressure him: the child must feel free to act. The more you push it, the less it will respond.
• Show him that we love him just the way he is: show him how important he is to us and congratulate his achievements.
• Do not compare him with other children: this can harm his and will aggravate the suffering. Do not ridicule him or make him feel different from others. Do not pejoratively compare him to other children. What happens to him happens to a lot of people.
• Make him see that his case is not unique: show him that we all face daily situations that cost us more than normal and in which we can feel insecure but that we must face them.
• Try to encourage activities that you like to do or that are very successful.
• Do not force him to carry out group activities if he is not prepared for it: the fundamental thing is to show him, with affection and without forcing in any case, that promoting artistic expression can help him to "loosen up", gain self-confidence and express what he wants. feel. painting, drama, dance, or music workshops may help.

• If shyness causes states of stress, anxiety and becomes pathological, it is necessary to consult a specialist.
• You are not born being shy but you "learn", both from your own experience and by witnessing behaviors and forms of behavior of others.
• To help the child to relate we must treat the problem naturally, not compare it, force it or judge it and give it time and confidence, among other things.

Pediatric Specialist