The 10 differences between self-pity and victimhood

Here are the keys to distinguish between victimhood and self-pity.

Anyone throughout their lives has gone through complicated situations (e.g., the pandemic that began in 2019 due to the coronavirus) and, even so, millions of people have managed to stay strong and motivated to move forward, which could be called "resilience", which is the ability of people to move forward after going through traumatic moments.

Faced with difficult situations, there are two very different ways of dealing with them, self-pity and victimhood; therefore, it is important to know the differences between self-pity and victimhood.

A resilient way to emerge stronger from difficult situations is related to "self-pity", which is the ability to recognize that one is going through a bad time and this generates discomfort, but without martyring oneself, because if so we would be talking about a term known as "victimhood"; and they have often been related, although in reality they are very different.

In this article we will explain what are the main differences between self-pity and victimhood..

The key differences between victimhood and self-pity

Below we will see 10 differences that allow us to differentiate self-pity and victimhood analyzed from the field of psychology and Mindfulness.

1. The attitude of the person

One of the main differences between self-compassion and victimhood is that self-compassion brings with it an active attitudeThe person is motivated to improve, to change or to look for solutions to the difficult situation he/she is living. When a person takes a perspective of a complicated situation from self-pity, he allows himself to be distracted, to escape with healthy and pleasurable activities such as reading, writing or even expressing his own emotions, even crying if he really needs it to unburden himself; but he avoids complaining without doing anything.

On the other hand,** victimhood implies a passive attitude, which carries with it an emotional anchorage** because the person does nothing in order to find solutions, to improve in some aspect that allows the person to feel helpless. When a person adopts a view of a difficult situation based on victimhood, he/she tends to be sad, complaining about the situation that has befallen him/her without doing anything to keep himself/herself occupied in something that really fulfills him/her and stop lamenting.

2. The purpose of each

One of the notable differences between self-pity and victimhood is that self-pity allows the person to have a sensitivity with himself when he is living a complicated situation, giving himself time to express and understand what he is feeling, and thus to look for what he needs in those moments, taking care of himself in this way, being this the main purpose of self-pity.

On the other hand, victimhood often has the purpose of drawing attention to oneself. Once this has been achieved, they may continue to complain to them, which could encourage them to adopt a victimized attitude towards any future problem, without trying to do anything on their own to improve the situation and move forward.

3. Possibilities that each one can offer us

Self-compassion, as it is conceived in psychology and Mindfulness, fosters self-knowledge, as it allows the subject to have a vision from introspection in difficult moments, so that he/she can know what feelings he/she is feeling.It allows the person to know what feelings it generates and what measures he/she considers that he/she needs to take and what he/she should allow him/herself for self-care. This perspective will allow the person to learn about him/herself in a very valuable way.

However, another difference between self-pity and victimhood is that when the subject faces a situation from victimhood, he/she is not really facing it directly, but rather avoiding the situation because he/she does not opt for introspection and self-knowledge in order to know what feelings they really generate. This perspective will encourage the subject to blame external factors and not to examine how he/she really feels and what is in their power to get out of an adverse situation that is causing them discomfort.

4. Possibilities of adaptation

Self-compassion enables the person to adapt and emerge stronger from complicated situations.In other words, it approaches the situation from a resilient point of view, while victimhood makes it difficult for the person to adapt to the situation and, therefore, he or she may feel a greater degree of discomfort as time goes by.

This is another of the main differences between self-pity and victimhood; moreover, when this complicated stage is over, the person who faced the situation from victimhood will need more time to recover and move forward.

5. The inner dialogue that takes place in the person

The inner dialogue that occurs in a person from self-pity is usually related to the understanding of what he/she is experiencing from a compassionate perspective. from a compassionate perspective, which leads him to speak to himself within his thoughts in a positive and constructive way.. This is another of the differences between self-pity and victimhood, since in the latter the internal dialogue would be focused from a negative point of view, so that the person martyrs himself with what is happening to him, instead of reproducing the situation from a resilient perspective.

6. Degree of suffering

Another difference between self-pity and victimhood is usually the degree of suffering that each generates in the face of the same complicated situation.

From the point of view of self-pity, by adopting an attitude of serenity, self-care and consolation towards oneself, the vision is more optimistic for what are used to carry out acts that allow to be directed in the suitable orientation.The degree of suffering is usually lower and there is always the consolation of thinking that we are on the right track and that the bad situation we are experiencing will be temporary.

On the contrary, from victimhood, by having a defeatist attitude and choosing to complain about what is happening, even blaming other people, the degree of suffering not only does not cease, but could be prolonged as the regrets continue.

7. Results obtained

One of the most important differences between self-pity and victimhood are the results obtained by choosing to face difficult situations or vicissitudes from each of them.

From self-pity, by facing a complicated situation in an active way, opting to look for activities towards improvement or the search for solutions, thus achieving a higher degree of well-being and self-realization.While from victimhood, the person remains stuck in complaints and suffering, so that it is more difficult to emerge stronger in the face of adversity.

8. Generosity vs. Selfishness

One of the differences between self-compassion and victimhood is that self-compassion, as it is conceived in Psychology and Mindfulness, entails having a vision of generosity towards oneself and even more so when one is going through difficult times, so that one chooses to be generous towards oneself.This is a way of opting for self-care and the search for well-being.

On the other hand, from victimhood, sometimes a selfish attitude could be adopted when the person, in addition to playing the victim for what is happening to him or her, may blame other people for what is happening to him or her.

9. Authenticity vs. manipulation

From Mindfulness, self-compassion is seen as a genuine vision of gratitude and generosity towards oneself.. On the contrary, victimhood can lead the person to exaggerate the suffering in order to attract the attention of other people, and can lead to the manipulation of these to obtain some benefit, and here we find another of the great differences between self-pity and victimhood.

10. Degree of resilience

After knowing several of the main differences between self-pity and victimhood, we can see that self-pity allows the person to confer a resilience capacity to face complicated situations in an adaptive way and to come out of them strengthened.

On the other hand, from victimhood, by choosing to cling to the role of victim without taking the reins in search of a solution to their own problems, it is very difficult to acquire a capacity for resilience and emerge stronger. and emerge stronger.

How to avoid having a victim's view of difficult times

Now that we have seen the main differences between self-pity and victimhood, let's move on to a brief decalogue of guidelines to avoid falling into the role of victim when faced with difficult situations:

• Become aware of the situation and analyze the sensations and thoughts it generates.
• Do not become obsessed with the origin, since sometimes it is more useful to look for solutions than to become obsessed with the past.
• Avoid complaints and choose to see the positive side, analyzing what we can do to move forward.
• Avoid giving pity to others in order to attract their attention.
• Do not blame others for everything that happens to us.
• Analyze and recognize what has been one's own responsibility in that complicated situation.
• Assume all our responsibilities as adults and get going.
• To take charge of our own situation and act towards the solution of our own issues.
• Set a series of realistic and achievable goals, and move towards them step by step.
• Be grateful and take advantage of what you have, instead of continually complaining about what you want.