The 3 stages of love and their characteristics

The stages of falling in love and relationships, perfectly described.

Do you love your partner but no longer feel as you did on the first day? Do you notice that the feeling you have for your partner has changed over time? These are completely normal sensations that describe changes in the way we feel and interpret what a relationship means to us.

This happens because love as a couple has different phases and stagesall of which have their own defining characteristics. If in the article "The 5 phases to overcome the mourning of a breakup" we talked about the stages of falling out of love, in this text we will discuss the different phases of love.

Love also evolves

It is important to note that, although this is a phenomenon that has aroused much interest among psychology professionals, there are discrepancies about the number of phases of love and the characteristics that define them.

However, according to psychologist John Gottman according to psychologist John Gottmanauthor of the book Principa Amoris: The New Science of Loveromantic love has three distinct phases that appear sequentially, just as people are born, grow up and grow old.

Their research has shown that love is a complex experience, and has helped to identify some stages in a couple's life in which love can either deteriorate or continue to evolve forward until it reaches the deepest form of emotional bond..

Recommended article: " The 100 best phrases about love and romanticism".

The stages of love: limerence, romantic love and mature love.

What are these stages of love and what are their characteristics? Below you can see them described and explained.

Stage 1: Limerence

This stage is also called the phase of infatuation or lust, and it is the phase in which we are most excited and eager to see the other person.It is the phase in which we are most excited and eager to see the other person. The feelings and emotions of lovers are related to euphoria and rapid mood swings.

The term "limerence" was coined by Dorothy Tennovand according to her, the characteristic symptomatology of this stage are some physical changes such as flushing, tremors or palpitations; excitement and nervousness, intrusive thinking, obsession, fanciful thoughts and fear of rejection.

Infatuation is something exceptional

In the book The Alchemy of Love and Lust, Dr. Theresa Crenshaw, Ph. Dr. Theresa Crenshaw explains that not just anyone can make us trigger the cascade of hormones and neurotransmitters that accompanies the exciting first phase of love. But when falling in love happens, then, and only then, does the cascade of neurochemicals of falling in love explode, changing our perception of the world.

The psychologist and communications director of the journal Psychology and MindJonathan García-Allen, in his article "The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug", explains that "in this phase the brain releases large amounts of dopamine, serotonin or noradrenaline, which is why when we fall in love we feel excited, full of energy and our perception of life is magnificent. Exactly the same as if we consume psychoactive substances".

In short, when we fall in love, our brain secretes:

• Phenylethylamine (PEA)It is a natural amphetamine that our body produces and is called the "love molecule".
• Pheromones: derived from DHEA, they influence sensuality rather than sexuality, creating an incredible sense of well-being and comfort. In addition, pheromones may influence our decision making without us even realizing it.
• Oxytocin: also called the cuddle hormone, it helps to create close bonds with the other person. When we feel close to that person and have intimate relations, our body secretes it. This chemical compound has a duration in the brain of about 4 years according to the theory of Donald F. Klein and Michael Lebowitz.
• Dopamine: it is related to pleasure and is the neurotransmitter that plays an important role in gambling, drug use, and also in love. It is important because it is involved in the reward system, i.e. it helps us to repeat pleasurable behaviors.
• Noradrenalinenorepinephrine: also known as norepinephrine, it is associated with the feeling of euphoria, exciting the body and giving it a dose of natural adrenaline.
• Serotonin: it acts on emotions and mood. It is responsible for well-being, generating optimism, good humor and sociability.

This abrupt change in the generation and generation of hormones and neurotransmitters makes us tend to be less emotionally stable, at least for a while and, specifically, when we think of the other person or feel them close.

Phase 2: Romantic love (building trust)

Questions that may arise during this phase are "will you be there for me?" "can I trust you?" "can I count on you for the good times and the bad?" These are some of the reflections we make to know if we want to continue with that person who has made us feel so much and if we are really with the right person for this long journey of love.

When we cannot answer these questions positively, conflicts arise again and again and can seriously erode the relationship, conflicts arise again and again and can seriously erode the relationship.. The answers to these questions are the basis for secure or insecure attachment to the relationship.

A challenge for the management of emotions

Therefore, it is common for crises to occur at this stage.. To come out of them successfully means a growth in the relationship and the strengthening of the affective bonds. On the other hand, if the doubts are confirmed, frustration, disappointment, sadness and anger may appear.

These crises may appear around the age of 2 or 3 years and, in many occasions, the outcome of these fights is determined by the negotiation and communication skills of the members.

The development or building of trust is based on taking into account the needs of the other partner as well. This is achieved by:

• Being aware of the other person's pain
• Being tolerant of their point of view as well as yours
• Meeting the partner's needs
• Active, non-defensive listening
• With an empathetic attitude

Recommended article: " The 7 keys to having a healthy couple relationship".

Stage 3: Mature love (building commitment and loyalty).

If the couple manages to overcome the previous stage, it reaches the stage of union or mature love.. This stage is characterized by the construction of a real and loyal commitment. This is the stage of deepest trust, in which more rational decisions are made. That is, there is a deeper appreciation of the other person and there is a union that predominates over the emotional turmoil and agitation of the beginning of the relationship.

In this stage, calm and peace are more valued, and the other person becomes a point of support. More importance is given to attachment, tenderness, deep affection, and love reaches, then, another level..

Consolidating the stable relationship

At this stage, love is nourished by understanding and respect on the part of both partners.. In a way, love is experienced in a less individualistic way, thinking of the couple as a unit that is more than the sum of its parts.

The emotional bond is not as obsessive as in the first phase and gives way to a free love, based on communication, dialogue and negotiation. In this phase it is very rare that communication problems appear that were not present before, unless they are due to a concrete and easy to identify event that breaks the health of the relationship.

To reach this stage it is necessary to keep in mind that love is not born, it is built over time and is constantly nurtured. The simple passage of time does not bring about the last of the main phases of love.For example, it could cause the emotional bond to deteriorate if you stop paying attention to it.

Do you want to know more about mature love? This article may interest you: " Mature love: why is second love better than first love?"