The 6 steps to overcome an infidelity

Steps to follow to manage and overcome an infidelity following an order.

Infidelities are one of the most common couple problems, to the point that it is estimated that almost half of all engagements and/or marriages have been affected by unfaithful behavior at some point in the relationship.

Taking this into account, it is not surprising that infidelity crises are also one of the most common reasons why people go to couple therapy, participating in a process in which, through the participation of a psychologist, it is possible to overcome this "bump" and make the relationship continue to progress after a stage of repair, or a breakup occurs in the most amicable terms possible if this is the only way out.

But beyond the tasks and communication processes that take place in the psychologist's office, there are also a series of general guidelines and advice to take into account to manage an infidelity from the very beginning. guidelines and general advice to be taken into account to manage an infidelity from the first moment and that normally help to face it in the most constructive way possible. In this article we will see what they are.

The main steps to overcome an infidelity in the couple relationship.

If you have been affected by a case of infidelity on the part of your partner, take into account the following guidelines when facing and overcoming the emotional crisis triggered by that fact.

1. First of all, focus on yourself.

Since you are the person who has been directly harmed by the infidelity, from the first moment you must be clear that the priority must be fixed on discovering what is best for you..

From that initial question, you will position yourself depending on whether you think it is worth giving new opportunities to the relationship, or if it has come to an end. Even if you opt for the second option, you may feel it is a challenge to move from desires to action and communicate that you are breaking off the engagement or marriage, and in that case, your management of infidelity will consist of managing your fears and knowing how to express yourself without letting external pressure lead you to repress yourself.

2. Assume your dominant role in communication

An infidelity is, fundamentally, a rupture of the basic consensuses on which the relationship was based.. Therefore, if you have suffered an infidelity, as a victim of it, you have a decision-making role in what will happen with regard to that engagement or marriage. If this leadership role is not reflected in the way you communicate with each other (for example, if your partner is offended that you do not have an equal position in deciding what should be done to overcome the infidelity), this indicates that there is a problem.

So, adopt a communicative attitude based on assertiveness: you must be able to say everything you feel and think about what happened, and to openly state your conditions if you believe that the relationship can continue but with new conditions.

3. Do not let him/her hold you responsible for what happened.

One thing is to to explore the possible causes that have led the other person to commit infidelity.It is another to give him/her the opportunity to try to put "part of the blame" on you. As a victim of infidelity, you are not to blame for what happened.

4. If you are thinking of breaking up, put it directly; if you need time, too

It is perfectly legitimate not to have clear ideas at a given moment.The important thing is to be honest about it. In any case, if you are clear that you want to break up, this must be clear, and if you are not clear but need time to mature the decision, explain it also in a clear way, but in this case it is important to clarify whether the rules of fidelity that applied to the relationship are still in force or not (otherwise the idea that there is a temporary breakup may remain in the air).

5. If you want to give the relationship another chance, make sure there is a repair.

It is not enough for the other person to apologize. And it is not for a reason that goes beyond morality.

If he does not show that he is interested in keeping that courtship or marriage by making an effort and performing acts of reparation for the damage done, you will not have a guarantee that he really shows commitment.. And considering that commitment is what is broken in infidelity, it is important that this is repaired by actions and not just words, so that if you decide to give him another chance, he will not have to suffer, in addition, fears and constant feelings of insecurities for "not being enough" for the other person.

6. Go to couple's therapy

If you decide to continue with the relationship, it is still essential to go to couples therapy.. This type of psychological intervention is specially designed so that both of you can express yourselves, you can address possible problems that wear out the coexistence, the activities together, the vision of the future of the couple, or communication, and more. And of course, infidelity crises are among the causes of discomfort most often addressed in couples therapy.

Looking for professional psychological support?

If you are interested in psychological assistance services for individuals or couples, I invite you to contact me.

I am a psychologist specialized in intervention through the cognitive-behavioral model, and I work both in person at my office in Madrid and online by video call.