The decision to start coexistence

| It is natural that couples aspire to consolidate living together, without minimizing the significance of the change that it entails and the difficulties that it entails.

Coexistence requires an initial stage of adaptation and adjustments, in which new needs and challenges will arise, as well as new satisfactions and opportunities that did not exist in the previous stages of the couple. Both members must learn to negotiate, to reach agreements on obligations and responsibilities, as well as enjoyment and fun.

As long as there is no coexistence, pleasure usually predominates widely over duty. More playful activities and fewer obligations are usually shared. This preliminary stage is therefore the easiest and most comfortable part of the relationship. Logically, it is easier to manage the pleasure than to face the responsibilities that usually appear over time.

It is possible that, with living together, the members of the couple begin to realize that they are two individuals with different needs, customs and routines, derived from a family background, a previous history and different experiences. In addition, with coexistence, previously unknown aspects of the personality or style of each one tend to surface.

Tips for a successful coexistence

Broadly speaking, to successfully overcome the initial stage of living together as a couple, it must be taken into account that:

• It is important that before taking this step both members are confident, excited and committed to it. It is not a good time, for example, when one of them is very clear that he wants to give it but the other feels that he needs more time.
• Communication between both members is essential. It is relevant to be able to speak openly about the new experience, expectations, desires and needs, agree on rules, rhythms and schedules, make decisions on practical aspects such as the distribution of space and time, the economy or domestic tasks, clarify differences or misunderstandings, among many other things.
• Maintain education at all times, as well as respect and consideration for the other person. Being tolerant and generous, as well as being willing to collaborate, will facilitate the adaptation process.
• The adaptation must be mutual. It is not necessary to pretend that it is the other who adapts or changes.
• Do not try to impose, but learn to negotiate and agree.
• Do not let yourself be overwhelmed by new obligations and responsibilities, relativizing small disagreements or conflicts and always giving exclusive space and time for pleasure, leisure and enjoyment as a couple.
• Not to be afraid of disagreements or crises, but rather to see them as part of the mutual coupling process and an opportunity to strengthen the couple. And it is that a discussion can be constructive and a source of learning in the relationship.

• Coexistence requires an initial stage of adaptation and adjustments, in which members must learn to reach agreements in obligations, as well as in fun.
• With coexistence, previously unknown aspects of the personality or style of each member of the couple usually emerge.
• To successfully overcome coexistence, both members must be confident and excited, respect each other, adapt to each other, not be afraid of crises ...

Elena Killed

Specialist in Clinical Psychology