The Michelangelo Effect: what it is and how it affects couple relationships

The Michelangelo effect shows that a couple's relationship can boost personal development.

Couple relationships are characterized by the mutual influence between the people involved in a marriage or courtship. Part of these influences have to do with what is known in psychology as the Michelangelo effect.

In this article, we will explain you what it is and what the Michelangelo effect is and what it consists ofWhat phenomenon it is linked to, what positive consequences it generates and how it can be used in psychological therapy.

What is the Michelangelo effect?

The Michelangelo effect is the process of modeling, of sculpting, that is given in the couples with the purpose that each member of this one achieves to develop his ideal Self.. This is how each partner acts as reinforcement and support so that the other can achieve their goals and evolve to show their best version.

It is important to point out that this effect will be mutual, that is to say, it will be reciprocal in the relationship and always with the purpose of helping the other, not with the intention of changing it to our liking.

We see how the couple can be fundamental for a correct and optimal personal development.If we do not have the support of our partner, it will be much more difficult to achieve this purpose. Given the importance that it has in the scope of the intimate relations, this effect has been used in the therapies of couple to obtain that these are healthier and satisfactory.

The relationship of the Michelangelo effect with the Pygmalion effect.

The Pygmalion effect is observed when one individual's beliefs influence another individual's behavior .. A typical example of this can be found in the beliefs or conception that a teacher has of his student. If the teacher's expectations are positive, it is more likely that the student will obtain better results; on the other hand, if the teacher's conception of the student is bad, it is more likely that the student's grades and behavior will be worse.

Thus, this effect may have an impact on the student's grades and behavior, this effect may have positive or negative repercussions on the person of whom the belief is held.. If these are positive, it will generate an increase in the self-esteem and functioning of the subject; conversely, if they are negative, we will see that their self-esteem decreases, as well as the quality or behavior related to the belief.

We see then that for this phenomenon to occur it is necessary that the belief about someone is firm, that the subject who has it encourages the achievement of such belief and that there is hope that it will be fulfilled. Related to this last point, we see that this effect is linked to self-prophecy. is linked to self-fulfilling prophecywhich says that the simple manifestation of expectations causes the person in question to display or fulfill such expectations.

This phenomenon can have a powerful effect, since it gives us the possibility of influencing another person by modifying his or her behavior and getting our beliefs or expectations fulfilled. It is for this reason that this effect has been studied in different areas, whether social, work, family, couple or educational. If we make good use of it, with positive beliefs and expectations, we can obtain powerful benefits.

The Michelangelo effect in couple dynamics.

Once explained and understood the Pygmalion effect, we will see the particular case of the Michelangelo effect that will be observed in couple relationships affecting them in a positive way.

It is not by chance that this effect has the name of the famous Italian sculptor, since this phenomenon consists in sculpting; each member of the couple will model the other according to how they imagine or wish their ideal self to be.. By ideal self we understand the characteristics or qualities we would like to have both internally and externally, as well as the goals and purposes we want to achieve.

In this way, the process of sculpting to achieve the ideal Self, the maximum exponent of each one, will be carried out mutually by both members of the couple, and the way to increase such characteristics or qualities will be through positive reinforcementIf we show that we like a behavior, it is more likely that it will increase and be repeated.

It may seem paradoxical, but we observe how the link with another person and the support and reinforcement we receive from them is one of the most powerful elements for our personal development and does not depend only on an individual work or process.

We see how an important element to emphasize is the mutual and positive effect that is generated: this phenomenon is not only reflected in the influence of one member of the couple on the other, nor can this influence be negative. If we know that being patient is an important quality for our partner, but we do not value this characteristic and do not reinforce it, we would not be evolving correctly, and in this case we could not speak of the Michelangelo effect.

It is also important to emphasize that that this modification relationship that is established is a healthy and balanced one.. That is to say, we must not fall into the error of interpreting this effect as a toxic relationship where the intention is to change the other as we want, without focusing on reinforcing the positive characteristics that we know that for our partner are important, but we want to model it to our liking without having at any time the intention to change.

Perceived mutual instrumentality

A term linked to this effect is that of perceived mutual instrumentality, which far from being a selfish or negative process, refers to our partner's ability to bring out the best version of us.. In this way, the partner will be seen as a positive instrument that reinforces our best qualities through the love and support we receive for some of our most valued behaviors, thus producing a modeling that will exploit our maximum potential.

Thus, we observe again that in the couple environment each of its components will be the perfect reinforcement to enhance the positive qualities of the other, generating an interaction of mutual enrichmentThis is a mutually enriching interaction, where each member of the couple achieves his or her ideal self and personal goals thanks to the constant reinforcement, support and validation of his or her partner.

We have found that the subject chosen for such modeling is the partner and not another individual close to the person, since it is with him/her that there will be a stronger and more constant interaction, being a fundamental pillar for us. For this reason, it is normal that we want to show our best version and, therefore, it is easier for our ideal self to express itself..

Achieving our goals with support

We see then that the Michelangelo effect intends to work another way to achieve our goals. Normally, and more so in the society we live in, it is usual that the approach to achieve our goals is individual, that is, without support and reinforcing ourselves; but given that the road to achieve such purposes is usually neither short nor easy, it is very it is very probable that we will have moments of weakness where it is difficult for us to continue to achieve our objectives, it is for this reason that the reinforcement and external support of our partner will be fundamental.

Having someone to encourage us to continue, to give us unconditional support, to remind us of our positive qualities and all the good things we have, is essential to help us in our worst moments and not stay anchored in the bad, thus avoiding complications or worse consequences such as mood or anxiety affectations.

This function of acting as reinforcement, will normally be performed by our partner, since he/she will be the person with whom we share more time, being a powerful element of support, since he/she is someone we value and is important to us. If, on the contrary, we do not feel supported by our partner, it is very likely that we will not be able to achieve our goals..

The power of this effect will lie in the good intention and the full knowledge we have of the other person, in other words this phenomenon will achieve its effect if the intention of the partner is not to change the other, but to get the best out of him. Therefore, the objective is altruistic, we do not act for our own benefit, but with the purpose of helping and supporting the other person in the achievement of his goals and in the development of his best traits and abilities.

The usefulness of the Michelangelo effect in couple therapy.

Thus, we see the importance of the other person, especially those with whom we establish a more intense bond, in the achievement of our goals and the development of our qualities. This effect is used in psychological therapy to treat couple problems, with the aim that the therapist trains and reinforces the perception of the positive characteristics of the other and not only focus on the bad..

In this way, it has been seen that the increase in the reinforcement and positive consideration of the other and the empowerment of the ideal Self make the couple relationship more stable and the subjects are more satisfied with it. In the same way, the achievement of the full development of each partner will be the only way to achieve a healthy relationship.