This is what happens when you hold your gaze for 4 minutes (social experiment).

A curious filmed social experiment that shows how much a simple look can change.

The psychologist and philosopher Dr. Arthur AronArthur Aron, professor at Stony Brook University (New York), has been studying love, friendship, intimacy and all those elements that reinforce and induce interpersonal closeness for 40 years.

With this objective, Arthur conducted a study in which different people had to look into their partner's eyes for 4 minutes. Previously, all of them had answered 36 questions specially created to deepen emotional connections.

This week, the team of the Mensalus Institute for Psychological Assistance presents this interesting video in which we observe the results of the experiment and see the enormous power of the gaze.

The power of a simple look

Why are 4 minutes so revealing?

Communication is at its best when we make use of all the senses. The important thing is that we give prominence to each of them at the right time and pay attention to their idiosyncrasies.

In fact, offering exclusivity to one sense, at times, can become a powerful amplifier of the interaction. And not only that; it can, in a matter of seconds, deepen concepts that go beyond words.

In our daily lives, do we look?

We look but we don't always contemplate. In fact, we find it strange to do so and even feel uncomfortable ("you make me nervous", "why are you looking at me and not saying anything", "it's hard for me to hold my gaze for so many seconds", etc.).

The 4 minutes are used by the participants of the experiment to do just that, to contemplate the person in his or her fullness and to make a mutual recognition. The result is questions and answers from the silence that find a common thread: complicity.

The dialogue that is established is passionate. Some eyes say "tell me about yourself" and the others answer "I talk about what I am when I am with you".

Some define "this is what unites us" while the others answer "this is what makes us the couple we are". Some ask "tell me what you want" and the others answer "to keep listening to everything that, until now, we haven't taken the time to tell each other". There seems to be no end to the conversations.

How can we enhance eye contact in communication?

To begin with, by integrating it in all contexts, not only in the most intimate spaces. The gaze is, as we pointed out, an act of mutual recognition. Avoiding eye contact is a sign of distance and disconnection (we detach the person in front of us from our message). If we do not look at the other person, we downplay their position. That is why it is so important to convey your value by looking and being looked at.

The "speaking" look goes hand in hand with active listening and mindfulness. Being present in the here and now entails a gaze that flows to the sound of the words: a gaze that is attentive but not fixed.

Often, we look at the other person but we do not listen, we only hear...

That's true. We look, yes, but we are thinking about aspects outside the conversation. This look is clearly different: it loses consistency, it is empty, inexpressive. Looking carefully includes an "ocular dance" that accompanies the rhythm of the words. In that instant, the gaze is fed by the emotion evoked by the speech and the communication offers and receives, it is not static. This is how you bring the two sides closer together.

In what other ways can we "bridge the gap"?

Closeness in personal relationships depends of course on various factors, but there are two elements that are particularly important in communication. We are talking about tone of voice and body language.

Learning to listen to the tone and the body is something that we work on from Psychology and Coaching. For example, on those occasions when the patient expresses incomprehension or expresses feeling misunderstood, we not only analyze the explicit speech, we also read the format, both the one that is seen and the one that is heard. It is revealing when, in future conversations, these formats change and the feelings are totally different ("we said the same thing to each other but this time I did not feel alone").

Is emotion the protagonist of the approach?

That's right, it is. The feeling that comes out of the interaction is the one that, most of the time, sets the course for the following ones. This is why it is so important to read our language and learn to empathize with the other person's language.

What message can we keep today?

Communication is complex and needs to be given the attention it deserves. That said, perhaps we can stay with a valuable message that launches the experiment we have shared today:

"In communication, enjoy and feel empowered to look and be looked at."