Three communication skills that will help you in your daily life.

Communication skills: discovering the three characteristics of an efficient communicator.

Communication skills: the three characteristics of an effective communicator.

In consultations, we therapists often find that the happiest and most satisfied people have three specific relationship skills. Don't be discouraged if you or your partner are not very good at these communication skills we are about to discuss. We are rarely born with the gift of communication; rather, they are skills that need to be learned and practiced.

1. Empathy

Empathy refers to being able to put yourself in another person's shoes and understand their experience and point of view, so that the interlocutor can gain an appreciation of how they feel. Of course, you also have to be able to convey your ideas to that person accurately so that the other person can access that same understanding about your situation.

Most couples have difficulty with empathy for one simple reason: they think they already know what the other is feeling or thinking just because they have been in a relationship for several years.. Countless studies show how flawed this assumption is: we are poor predictors of what others think, including our partners. Our assumptions are almost always biased or wrong.

Empathy requires a mental trick: close your eyes and literally imagine being the other person. Put yourself in their perspective, their reality, their priorities, their expectations, their prejudices and concerns. Only then should you bring the current plight into the picture and then imagine how the other person perceives the situation and how you would feel in that position.

Empathy is a crucial skill in communication and human relationships, and it also relates to the following essential skill.

Emotional Validation

When your partner is angry or upset with you, the last thing you want to do is add to that discomfort by telling them they have every right to feel that way. But when you convey what's going on from an attitude of sympathy and understanding, everything changes. Rather than inciting sadness or anger, your message of emotional validation can actually de-escalate the conflict.

Why does this paradox occur?

Emotional validation is something we all seek and crave, usually much more than we realize. When we are upset, angry, frustrated, disappointed or hurt, what we want most of all is for our partner to understand why we feel that way.

We want them to validate our feelings by conveying their opinions with a generous helping of sympathy.. When that happens, the relief and catharsis we experience is enormous. We can then achieve a real release of the baser instincts and begin to express some of the feelings we have built up, releasing tensions and resuming expressions of affection.

Emotional validation and empathy are enormously important relationship skills. These are complemented by the third skill on our list.

To learn more about emotional validation, you can read: "Emotional validation: 6 basic tips to improve it".

3. Honesty and respect

Couples consistently underestimate the impact that small gestures of consideration have on the dynamics of their relationship.. A nice gesture or token of affection can almost instantly stop a tense, negative dynamic and put the relationship back on a good track for positive, affectionate communication.

Obviously, giving a bouquet of flowers or a hug cannot reverse the depth of a wound. But when things get tense, courtesy, goodwill and affection are very powerful weapons in the face of tension, impatience and negativity.

These three relationship skills go hand in hand. Together they form a foundation of caring, trust and connection that couples can more easily return to when they find themselves in times of stress, tension or emotional distance. It is up to everyone to make an effort to practice them, get better at them and integrate them into their daily thinking and communication. Communication skills can also be learned: take heart, they will be of great help to you.