To avoid developing anxiety, start by not avoiding certain situations.

It is important to understand that avoiding what causes us discomfort may be part of the problem.

When is avoidance not a good option? We are used to fleeing and avoiding discomfort, but there are times when this only complicates the problem further. And to overcome it we must face it in a different way.

Avoiding what hurts or bothers us is the first impulse but, as we will see, it is not always the best option.. If it is a punctual problem it can be adaptive to try to avoid the discomfort or the things that cause us anguish or discomfort.

But... How can we ensure that the repetition of situations that generate discomfort does not take its toll on us? Well, it is simple; if it limits or harms us in our daily life, if it lasts in time, it means that it is something to be solved, not simply avoided.

For example, if I am afraid of heights, I will not go hiking in places that I consider dangerous, but I will make an effort to overcome the fear of that place that I usually go through and that even if I am afraid I am not compensated to avoid.

• Related article, "What is fear for?"

The importance of not always resorting to the comfortable.

We realize that to avoid is not strictly bad if this attitude is not constant, only punctual and if it does not condition us.

It seems a logical reaction, but experience speaks for itself; if we avoid having a bad time, in the end we have a worse time because the fear that we have remains or increases but never decreases, and it is more and more difficult for us to do so.and we find it more and more difficult to face it or feel more helpless in the face of it. Avoidance in itself is the same as not facing it, and this situation can easily provoke anxiety.

Avoidance of a feared situation has been shown to increase fear of future experiences. It gives a false sense of control and ends up producing effects contrary to those we are trying to obtain, because far from avoiding having a bad time and feeling capable of overcoming it, it only leads us to postpone that bad experience, because we will see ourselves in that situation again.

If we avoid it, we are not trusting in our own resources, and this feeling of incompetence and lack of confidence is what generates fear or anxiety.

Measure the risks, try to be realistic

Getting closer to what makes us feel good and moving away from what makes us suffer is an ancestral survival mechanism; even moving away from what we think, sense or assume may be harmful to us. When something dangerous happens, innate survival mechanisms are activated in us, which, depending on our assessment of the situation, make us fight, flee or paralyze. that, depending on the assessment of the situation, make us fight, flee or paralyze ourselves.

So we measure the risks. I will fight if I think I have a good chance of winning, and there are those who do not take risks unless it is clear to them that a situation is not a risk. I will run away if I think it is too high a risk or does not seem to me to be an assumable risk. I will stop if fear invades me and I think I have no chance, not even to run away.

To avoid is to run away, and it is to confirm to yourself that you can't face this situation.. It is to accept that the situation is dangerous and this increases fear, which leads to feelings of incompetence. But we must not let our fear make us interpret the situation in the wrong way, i.e. exaggerated or catastrophic, and it is important to be aware that when fear invades us it makes us think what it is not.

How do we overcome fear and stop avoiding?

The first thing is to realize that the fact of not avoiding and facing something is a resource that we already have and that we use very often. And the second thing is to be able to not let fear decide for us. If the motivation is strong we will be able to face what we did not imagine at first..

But even more important is that as the days go by in which we do what we have to do, we find that most of the time the risk is not as extreme as we thought. Being cautious is a coping resource; if something involves a risk, I do it carefully or take certain precautions, but I do not run away and turn being cautious into being fearful.

It is common for people who have lived through difficult situations over time to become more cautious, wiser or more respectful to avoid accidents. or more respectful to avoid accidents... They measure risks better, they have more experience.

But people who have lived avoiding feeling bad, or have avoided discomfort and frustration, or who have been helpless in a situation, will choose with fear and not wisely in many things, which will make fear gain ground and their comfort zone will be smaller and smaller, and leaving it will cause them more and more anxiety.

The main obstacle

The problem is the false sense of securityAnd that's why most people, when this happens to them, don't seek help to overcome it. They feel better this way, in their sometimes shrinking comfort zone, than facing the fear, because that's what they think works for them.

When it begins to limit them and interfere in their lives or in the lives of their family members is when they can realize that it is not worth it to continue invaded by fear, and they will have the motivation to face and solve this fear that does not let them live in fullness forever.

As you can see, in this article we work on the cognitive component of the situation. Understanding how fear works is a great step to prevent it from taking control and to be able to act as it suits us best instead of how we feel.. If you also combine it with relaxation techniques, you will be putting a great barrier to fear, and therefore decrease the chances that the situation will end up causing anxiety. Remember: not to avoid, but to face and not believe everything that fear makes me feel or think.