What is life like for someone suffering from paranoid schizophrenia? Kissco Paranoide" reveals it.

Interview with Francisco Gómez Varo, author of a book that brings us closer to the reality of this disorder.

Paranoid Kissco. This is the title of a book written by a young man from Malaga, Spain. Francisco José Gómez Varoin which he recounts his experience as a patient diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.

Throughout the pages that make up this work, Kissco (this is how Francisco José is familiarly known) brings us many of his sensations and emotions, in an artistic and emotional journey that aims to demystify this mental disorder. A work rich in images and experiences, which has been published by the publishing company Red Circle.

Interview with Francisco José Gómez Varo, author of "Kissco Paranoide".

Bertrand Regader: Kissco, in your recent book "Kissco paranoide" you relate your personal experience, it is something like an autobiography that exudes sincerity and courage. What was your reaction when you were diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia years ago? What was the process like?

Kissco Gómez Varo: Actually I didn't even react, in those years I was so lost that the only thing I thought about was to be well and to leave the bad times behind. I was 23 years old and we were driving to one of the many doctors I used to visit, while my mother was driving I had the folder with my diagnosis, which I still didn't know. It was at that moment that I was able to read for the first time the diagnostic label of paranoid schizophrenia. At first I thought it couldn't be true, that I couldn't have that illness, I guess it was the denial phase. I ignored that diagnosis, I simply refused to accept it.

My family was so desperate not to know what was wrong with me that in a way it was kind of a relief to give my condition a name, after that it would be my family's concern for my health and encouragement to do what they could to get better.

B.R.: What exactly is paranoid schizophrenia and how would you explain it to our readers?

K.G.V.: In my case and my experience, it is basically having and suffering from paranoia.

My paranoia was based on the fact that I perceived messages that I had to decipher, they came from people in their movements and gestures and from nature itself. As I describe in the story, I came to call it the "message from God", this was basically my paranoia that I suffered for ten years. The symptoms are isolation, loss of reality, avoidance of physical contact and difficulties in establishing social relationships. You have the need to hide because you feel watched at all times and for everything you do, even in the smallest detail. This makes you different whether you want to be different or not during the outbreak, but every psychotic break is temporary even if the illness is chronic.

B.R.: Have you noticed that society tends to stigmatize people who suffer from mental disorders?

K.G.V.: In my case, I have suffered from being singled out or looked at just for being the way you are, it has happened on so many occasions and for different reasons during my life that I have come to accept that it is something to be expected and that even I can stigmatize someone for something that we do not call "normal" in our society.

I could tell as an anecdote a time when we went to the movies with my sister and brother-in-law. I was watching the film and I perceived certain messages coming from the images, and I started mumbling and making other gestures that began to annoy the rest of the spectators. There was such a commotion that we had to lighten our steps at the end of the movie, and there were even people waiting for me at the exit to see who was to blame for the ruckus so they could point at me and say things like "you didn't let me see the movie even though I paid for the ticket". The truth is that now I see it understandable, maybe I would have acted the same way but at that time the only thing I felt was that terror was chasing me, I felt helpless and cornered.

B.R.: In your book, which has been published by Círculo Rojo, you capture many of your experiences, but above all the sensations and emotions with which you look at life. It is a work of great visual and artistic power. What motivated you to write it?

K.G.V.: I was on the terrace of my house with my partner and it was something instantaneous, telling him ¨I am going to write something¨, I felt so full of tranquility after ten years of mental torture and so clear that I could not miss this opportunity to tell everything I have gone through, thinking that tomorrow I could go through that outbreak again and that maybe I could not have this feeling of liberation.

B.R.: Nowhere is it indicated who is the author of the illustrations and paintings that embellish the book. How did this inspiration come about?

K.G.V: If you look closely at each one of them, although in some of them you can hardly see the signature, KisscoI have always been good, humbly, at drawing or painting, I spent so much time in my room that I had to do something, to entertain myself, and I was inspired by movies and music and most of those drawings came out by themselves, I had them anchored in my mind and putting them on paper was for me almost a way of expressing what was happening to me.

The drawings were made during those ten years of psychotic break, which at that time did not make much sense but later, writing the story, they fit perfectly giving a visual touch to the written words and giving a poetic sense to the work.

B.R.: What has helped you overcome your diagnosis to the point of being someone with motivations and expectations in life?

K.G.V.: Well, I'm simply getting back to being myself after, I could say in a mild way, having gone through a rough patch. I used to be a guy with motivation and a desire to learn, and now I'm getting back on track, it's like having been in a coma for a long period of time and all that time is as if it didn't exist even though it has marked me forever. It's a second chance that I don't intend to waste, even though I know that tomorrow I could be the same as those years or worse.

B.R.: What would be your words for a young person who may be having a hard time for having recently learned that he suffers from paranoid schizophrenia?

K.G.V.: This diagnosis is something that has to be accepted as soon as possible in order to know how to deal with it and live with others as someone else.

It is not easy to accept something like this, we get carried away by the bad reputation that comes with this term and by the first reaction we have when we hear it, which is fear, we are afraid of the unknown, and in a way it is understandable. But in my case I could say that you have to be full of courage to go ahead and show that you only have a disease for which you can fight. It is not something terminal that has no solution, it is something chronic, but it can be managed with will and determination.

B.R.: What message should society be aware of in order to begin to rethink the double impact suffered by people who suffer from a psychological disorder and who also have to endure social and labor stigmatization? Do you think it is necessary to educate people in this aspect?

K.G.V.: The truth is that yes, we may be different, but we are all different in our own way, whether we suffer from a disorder or not. There are people who suffer from mental illnesses that they do not even know themselves, since they have not been diagnosed, and others who do not suffer from any specific disorder but who have serious difficulties to look for ways to make them a little happier.

This does not mean that people who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder cannot do something useful for society. Maybe we can't do exactly the same as others, I'm not sure about that, but what I can say for sure is that we are all different and we are all good at doing something useful. We can all learn what we don't know and teach what we are good at. We could begin to demystify mental disorders by holding talks in high schools, just as there are talks that warn students about the dangers of drugs or the precautions we should take in our first sexual relations. Awareness-raising talks that make children and young people see that it could be you or someone close to you who suffers from a psychological disorder in adulthood, and some advice on how to deal with these situations based on normalization, information and respect.