What is psychotherapy for bereaved parents like?

A summary of the psychological therapy process for parents who have lost a child.

Of all the deaths that we may experience in our environment, the death of a child is one of the most traumatic. No parent expects to outlive his or her child, much less when the child dies at a young age.

Grieving the death of a child is one of the most difficult processes that parents can go through and, if not properly managed, can degenerate into pathological grief.

This is why it is so important psychotherapy is so important in dealing with grief after the death of a child.We are going to talk about this issue in the following lines and we are going to detail how parents live this process.

What is grief?

Despite the fact that death is the only certainty that exists in this life, it is still a taboo subject in our society. The impediment to talk about death openly is even more notorious when it comes to the death of a child.. In these cases the tendency is to hide it even more, considering it inopportune and tactless to bring up the subject or approach it in a conversation with family members, much less with the parents of the deceased.

It is true that time can heal the sadness and grief that comes with the death of a child, but on many occasions it is necessary to address it openly to avoid developing pathological grief. This is especially important since the death of a child is one of the most traumatic events anyone can face. This is why psychotherapy is so necessary when grieving the death of a child.

But before we talk about the importance of psychotherapy and its role in dealing with the death of a child, let's talk about what is meant by bereavement. Since there are few occasions to talk openly about death, we will take advantage of this opportunity. Bereavement is defined as a normal adaptive response to an event that is significant for a person, whether it is the death of a loved one, a breakup of a couple or the loss of a job.

Grieving the death of someone is still a part of our life, but it is also a painful and stressful life process.. This Pain reaches titanic proportions when the deceased is our child, entering an extremely heartbreaking episode for which no parent is prepared. It is supposed to be the children who survive the parents, and not the other way around.

Grief is a very complex process, lived in a unique and unrepeatable way, with great impact on the emotions of those who live it. The duration of this process is very variable, although specialists agree that it ranges from six months to one year, during which various phases (denial, anger, negotiation, depression and acceptance) are experienced and gone through. This does not mean that after a year everyone is completely recovered. Everyone experiences it in their own way, and the aftermath that follows is also very varied and unique.

The duration and intensity of the bereavement depends on many factors, such as kinship and relationship with the deceased person the parameter that most predicts how intense and prolonged this period will be. The type of death also has an impact, since it is not the same to experience the death of a relative who has been ill for years as it is to experience the death of a relative who has suffered a sudden and violent death.

It may happen, as surprising as it may seem to some, that grief can be experienced without the person being aware that he or she is going through it. The level of consciousness of the same one is relative.

Characteristics of bereavement for the death of a child

The death of a child is a highly traumatic and hard event. No parent expects his son or daughter to die before him. Therefore, we can say that the characteristics of bereavement for the death of a child are very different from those expected for bereavement caused by the death of another family member, which, although still painful, are not as painful as the loss of a child. If this child was an only child or a newborn, the death can be even more traumatic.

Among the characteristics of bereavement due to the death of a child shared with the other bereavement we find:

• Social isolation: low interaction with family, friends and general social circle.
• Abandonment of activities of interest
• Appearance of mental health problems: anxiety disorder, depression, substance abuse....
• Increased risk of death by suicide
• Somatization: physical pain, nausea, insomnia... caused by emotional distress.
• Overwhelming emotions: hopelessness, guilt, sadness, anger...

Visit the emotional and behavioral patterns shared by parents who have just lost a child we find:

• Denial

• Emotional shock

• Altered perception of time

• Strong emotional pain and sadness

• Fatigue

• Guilt

• Therapy for bereavement after the death of a child

  Coping with the death of a child is a process full of valleys rather than peaks, for which the help of a professional is essential to overcome it in the most natural and healthy way possible.

  It is necessary that the parents and the rest of the family nucleus establish a fluid communication about the feelings and emotional difficulties associated with the death of a child. about the feelings and emotional difficulties associated with the process instead of trying to hide everything trying to be strong.

  Since parents will be devastated immediately after the death of their child, it is highly necessary for them to delegate household chores and other daily tasks to family members and acquaintances who are willing to help them with the bereavement. family members and acquaintances who are willing to help them through this difficult time.. Simple things like grocery shopping or cleaning the dishes become titanic tasks for a person who has just lost a child and, even if they do not want to admit it, they need help. The psychologist will be the one who will help them to recover normality after a process of reparative therapy.

  In the therapy with parents who have just suffered the death of a child, the following two aspects are mainly worked on.

  Talking openly about what happened

  One of the objectives is to get the parents to talk openly about the death of their child as a way of managing the feelings that this experience produced in them.. This also focuses on getting them to say in an assertive way how they feel to people they trust, to avoid isolating themselves, and also for the environment to play a therapeutic role in seeing parents who still need help, even if the outward appearance does not suggest it.

  In many cases, these parents run the risk of isolating themselves because, although the first few days they are surrounded by their social circle, after a while these acquaintances resume their activities, returning to their routines. But it is not so easy for parents not to return to routine, since they will be with a deceased child forever.

  That is why it is so important for them to to find that person in their environment with whom they do feel understood.. If that person also participates in the therapy, attending the sessions with the clinician and the father, all the better.

  With the help of the psychologist it is also possible for the parents to return to their old routines and get out of their depression by becoming active. The therapist will motivate them to gradually start doing things to regain their normality, such as exercising, setting a schedule for going to bed and getting up, maintaining personal hygiene, returning to work, taking care of their diet... All this will facilitate their process of gaining strength to better cope with the grief.

  Acceptance

  One of the keys to the grieving process, and one that will determine how healthy it will end up being, is acceptance.. The whole process being very personal, accepting the loss after the death of a child helps the parents to overcome the pain and to close the mourning process in a non-traumatic way and with the least possible after-effects.

  With acceptance, sadness, which will not cease to be present, will be more adaptive, giving way to other emotions that will allow them to live their lives. Acceptance will be a key aspect for parents to gradually return to the activities they once enjoyed and make them feel that they have a purpose in life, that life is worth living.

  In therapy parents are made aware that by feeling happy, they are not betraying the memory of their child.. On the contrary, they are made aware that surely their son, wherever he is, wanted them to be happy and to move on.