When Children Fly ... Overcoming Empty Nest Syndrome

The empty nest syndrome is an emotional state that occurs in parents when their children become emancipated and leave the family home. It is characterized by a feeling of emptiness, coupled with feelings of sadness, loneliness and nostalgia.

This feeling does not necessarily appear in all couples in the absence of their children and, where it occurs, it can occur to different degrees. However, it is women who suffer the most.

• In many situations in which the syndrome appears, the presence of children has been one of the main reasons for the couple to stay together.
• If there was a good basic relationship in the couple and the quality of the bond has been taken care of, it does not usually appear or it can be managed better.
• Seeing the positive side of the situation to enable a new intimacy between the couple is one of the keys to helping us deal with it.

Why is it produced?

The triggering factor is always the abandonment of the home by the children but other factors tend to converge so that this syndrome occurs:

• A significant state of prior dissatisfaction in the relationship between the parents.
• And, consequently, in some cases the desire to separate, which has sometimes been postponed or denied while the children have been present in the home.

Thus, in many situations in which the syndrome appears, the presence of children has been one of the main reasons for the couple to stay together. However, after the children have decided to emancipate themselves, the emptiness and unsatisfactory relationship that existed between them has become evident. This fact makes some at this vital moment or that they need to make a significant improvement in the quality of their relationship if they decide to continue with it.

On the contrary, in cases in which there was a satisfactory basic relationship between the members of the couple and the quality of the bond has been taken care of, the empty nest syndrome does not usually appear or it does so in an easily manageable way.

How to deal with it?

In this situation, it may be beneficial for parents to take into account some recommendations:

• First of all, accept that children have grown up and learn to establish with them a new relationship between adults that can also be very rewarding for both parties.
• Feel satisfaction for having raised children with the capacity for autonomy, who have reached a satisfactory level of development and who are starting a new stage of life on their own.
• Do not blame children for the state of sadness they may feel, avoiding that they are forced to stay at home or as essential figures in it, for example, as mediators of conflicts between their parents.
• Be aware that this new stage of life without children at home can allow a new intimacy between the members of the couple. It can be satisfying to see the positive side of the new situation in which they find themselves, such as more freedom and time to cultivate the relationship.
• Enjoy free time, doing new activities and developing hobbies or hobbies. It is an appropriate vital moment to return to topics that had been neglected by parenting, such as traveling or spending more time in social life.
• Seek the professional help of a psychologist in case the state of sadness, loneliness or nostalgia persists and they cannot find a way to overcome it on their own. MAPFRE's Health Insurance includes a 24-hour Telephone Counseling Service, through which a qualified team of psychologists will guide you in a personalized way.