Why do children hit?

There is nothing more overwhelming than seeing your child hitting, biting, or shoving another. It seems like violence to us, but, in those ages, it is not exactly that. Although it is hard to believe it is a normal toddler stage, between two and four years old and, like the women, is the result of a lack of communication resources and social skills. In this stage, children act on instincts, they don't have self-control not a language rich enough to express what they feel. In addition, it is difficult for them to understand their emotions and they do not know how to manage them.

How does the child act between the ages of 2 and 4?

It is completely normal and evolutionarily acceptable for some form of aggressiveness between the ages of two and four. There are two reasons fundamental:

• Low tolerance to frustration.
• The beginning of the social interactions, arising the first and inevitable conflicts.

At this stage the child gets angry when things do not happen as he would like and, due to the deficiencies that we have mentioned before (language, emotional management and social skills) express their frustration by taking action: crying, yelling, tantrums, hitting, biting or pushing. This is why it is important.

How should parents act?

We must intervene, but not from scolding or punishment, but from the containment, empathy and calm. When a child hits or pushes another child or adult, it is because they are angry or tired. These two emotions are triggers for automatic behaviors that try to "say" or that you do not agree with what is happening (for example, you do not want to share the swing in the park with another child) or you are exhausted, you want to disconnect from what you are doing and he feels very unhappy. To differentiate both situations it is essential connect with our son, get down to their level from calm, analyze what is happening and in what context and, most importantly, put words to what they are feeling. It may sound obvious, but it is essential that the Adults lead by example and avoid reacting aggressively in frustrating situations.

Steps to follow when it is your child who hits

• Firmly but lovingly push the child away so that speak calmly.
• If he cries, contain it with affection, with hugs.
• Explain Simply put, hitting, pushing or biting are not the correct way to get things done.
• You need to understand that should not be hit or bitten because you hurt others and you should apologize for your behavior.
• Put words to your mood, so that he gradually recognizes his emotions: "I know you are tired, sad, angry ...". It is an indispensable tool for the.
• Empathize with him, explain that you sometimes get angry or don't like what other people do.
• Show him different ways of acting to achieve a goal.
• Warn that if he does it again, Mom or Dad will take him away from the playground.
• AssessDepending on the emotional situation of the child, return home to a familiar and calm environment.

It is worth remembering that in moments of extreme joy bites are the order of the day and our son can show us his emotion with a good bite. In these cases, how to act is very similar to what was explained above: contain, empathize and put words.

Can we avoid these situations?

Although it is a normal and very common phase in young children, getting to know your child and anticipate possible risk situations it is essential to avoid embarrassing situations. For example, perhaps on a Friday afternoon, if you see your child tired, it is not the best thing to take him to the park to share shovels, buckets and slides. He is not at his best. With proper intervention, this behavior resolves over time, with child's maturity and language development. It does not stop being a social learning for the little one that, properly managed by adults, will give him a lot of skills and resources. From the age of four, they progressively replace these impulsive behaviors with more reflective and communicative ones. It never hurts if the child's behavior becomes more aggressive.

• In these cases, as parents, of course we must intervene, but not from scolding or punishment, but from containment, empathy and calm.
• It is essential that adults lead by example and avoid reacting aggressively to frustrating situations.
• From the age of four, they progressively replace these impulsive behaviors with more reflective and communicative ones.

Pediatric Specialist