Why do we often say yes when it would be better to say no?

Our tendency to be complacent with others can have dire consequences.

Not long ago I was on vacation in Santiago de Compostela, Spain. Strolling with a friend around the cathedral, we were approached by a young woman, apparently mute, and she invited us to read to her.and invited us to read and sign what appeared to be a kind of manifesto calling for the enactment of a law in favor of the rights of people with speech disabilities.

My friend, taken by surprise, and unaware of what was coming, quickly took the manifesto in his hands, read it, and then affixed his signature of agreement at the bottom of the page. As he did so, I took a couple of steps back to get some distance so that I could contemplate the impending spectacle from a privileged place.

Once my friend agreed to that initial harmless request, the girl quickly handed him a second piece of paper asking him how many euros he was willing to donate to the cause. My friend was puzzled and I was delighted. Having accepted that he was in favor of the rights of mute people, the way had been paved so that he could not refuse a second request, totally consistent with the first, but somewhat more onerous.

In any case, my amusement did not come free. Not having a penny in my pocket, and disarmed of the cunning necessary to escape the trap, my friend asked me to borrow five euros, my friend asked me to borrow five euros to give to the girl..

Other people with different disabilities approached us later, in other cities in Spain, and even on the London Bridge when we went to England, using essentially the same strategy. In every case, my friend refused to agree to read anything they tried to put in his hands, claiming he "didn't speak the language."

The power of compromise and positive self-image.

We are more likely to accept a proposal that we would naturally refuse if we have previously been induced to accept a lesser commitment. When we say "yes" to a request of seemingly little value, we are well predisposed to say "yes" to a second, much more important request, which is often much more important.This is often the real interest of the individual who is underhandedly manipulating us.

Why is it so difficult to say "no" in cases like this? Why don't we find a way to wriggle out even if we know, or suspect, that we are being victims of a small but sophisticated manipulation? In order to answer this, let me ask you a question: do you consider yourself a caring person?

If your answer is yes, then I ask you a second question: do you consider yourself to be in solidarity and therefore donate regularly to charities or do you give alms to poor people in the street? Or is it because you give alms to poor people in the street that you consider yourself to be in solidarity?

Examining ourselves

Whether we accept it or not, most of the time we believe we are the masters of the truth, especially in matters that have to do with our personality or that in some way concern us. If there is one thing we consider ourselves experts in, it is ourselves; and it seems quite obvious that no one is in a position to say otherwise.

However, and against all odds, studies say that we do not know ourselves as well as we think we do..

A significant amount of research suggests that the label we apply to ourselves (for example: "supportive") results from the observation we make of our own behavior. That is, we first look at how we behave in a given situation, and based on that, we draw conclusions about ourselves and apply the appropriate label.

While my friend was signing the initial petition, he was simultaneously monitoring his own behavior, which contributed to forging a self-image of a person who was well-disposed or cooperative with others. Immediately thereafter, confronted with a request in tune with the first but of greater cost, my friend felt compelled to respond in a manner consistent with the idea he had already formed of himself. By then it was too late. Acting contradictorily in a very short period of time generates a certain psychological discomfort. from which it is very difficult to extricate oneself.

The billboard experiment

In a fascinating experiment, two people went from house to house in a residential neighborhood to ask the homeowners for their collaboration in a traffic accident prevention campaign.

They asked for permission, no more and no less, to install a gigantic sign, several meters long, in the garden of their houses, saying "drive with caution". To illustrate what it would look like once it was in place, they were shown a photo of a house hidden behind the gigantic and unaesthetic sign.

As was to be expected, practically none of the neighbors consulted accepted such an absurd and unconscionable request.. But, at the same time, another pair of psychologists did the same job a few streets away, asking for authorization to place a small sticker with the same message on the windows of the houses. In this second case, of course, almost everyone agreed.

But the curious thing about the matter is what happened two weeks later, when the researchers revisited those people who had agreed to the placement of the decal to ask them if they would let them install the unglamorous sign in the center of the yard. This time, as irrational and stupid as it may seem, approximately 50% of the homeowners agreed to the decal..

What had happened? The small request they had agreed to on the first occasion had paved the way for a second, much larger request, but oriented in the same direction. But why? What was the brain action mechanism behind such absurd behavior?

Maintaining a coherent self-image

When the neighbors accepted the sticker, they began to perceive themselves as citizens committed to the common good. Then, it was the need to sustain that image of people who cooperate with noble causes that pushed them to accept the second request.

The unconscious desire to behave according to our own image seems to be a very powerful instrument once we have accepted a certain degree of commitment.

Conclusion

Just as we look at the things others do to draw conclusions, we also pay attention to our own actions. We gain information about ourselves by observing what we do and the decisions we make.

The danger is that many con artists take advantage of this human need for internal consistency to induce us to accept and manifest our own actions. to induce us to accept and expressly state a certain degree of commitment to some cause. They know that, once we adopt a position, it will be difficult to get out of the trap, we will naturally tend to accept any subsequent proposal made to us in order to preserve our own image.