Why we should resolve conflicts with our parents

A reflection on the importance of being able to connect with our fathers and mothers.

This is one of the key issues in therapy and basically in all our human relationships. Numerous studies show that our first human relationships, with whom we establish our first bond in childhood, mark our way of relating to the world, with our peers, with the world, with our family, with our friends, with our family, with the world, with the world.with our peers, with the world of work and with our partners.

Our first relationships will be a map of our way of relating to the world. The security with which we grow up, the autonomy and ego strength we have, as well as the personal resources we develop, will be marked by these first relationships with the two figures that determine our existence (to which we must add the personal characteristics of each individual).

This is why we often analyze our relationships with our parents, since we tend to repeat a form of relationship based on what we have experienced with them. we tend to repeat a form of relationship according to what we have lived with them, to repeat life cycles and relationship patterns.We tend to repeat life cycles and relationship patterns. Idealization, overprotection, attention, management of our emotional world and coping with problems, external events that appear... all this will be essential in our identity and fundamental in our future relationships.

Understanding and understanding this is necessary to be able to make a change. If we do not realize and become aware of where we act from, it will be difficult for us to understand what happens to us and take responsibility for ourselves, for our behavior, in order to change our behavior.of our behavior, to be able to change it and to evolve.

The importance of knowing how to manage relationships with fathers and mothers.

On many occasions, becoming aware of how our relationship with our parents and the consequences of their actions may have affected us can generate a lot of anger and pain. can generate a lot of anger and pain..

Sometimes this anger can last for years and mark the relationship with them for a lifetime, but the understanding of their history, the circumstances of each one and compassion is what can help to forgive and heal the relationship with our parents and therefore with ourselves, only then is when we can fully develop and live in peace.

At other times, loyalty prevents us from seeing clearly the wounds of the past.. And sometimes the wounds and Pain are so deep from past events that they never heal.

To know ourselves, we must understand where we come from and accept our parents. Physically we are made up of 50% of each of them, and mentally and emotionally as well. To be in continual conflict with any of them is to be in conflict with ourselves.. Hence there is always an inner longing for reconciliation.

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Building bridges

When we stop acting unconsciously and childishly, when we accept and understand the past and reconcile with it, when our wounded inner child stops screaming and demanding others to cover our shortcomings and needs... we can turn to our adult part, take responsibility for what is ours and realize that we ourselves can soothe this inner part that needs to be calmed down..

This is to a great extent the work of accompaniment that the psychological therapist does, helping the person to become aware of his wounds, to forgive and to forgive himself and to help him to grow, taking responsibility for his actions and his needs. To be at peace and in balance in order to be in coherence between what we think, feel and do.

Reconciliation is with these parts on an internal level.. This does not mean to fulfill the expectations of our parents, or not to put limits, but to come to be in peace, understanding from where we act and being grateful for the mere fact of giving us life.

Putting ourselves in their place

In general, the majority of the parents act always believing that what they do is the best thing for their children, although sometimes they make a resounding mistake; their intention is usually positive looking for the good of their children.

Other times their own fears, their rigidity, their self-esteem and their own experiences may have affected the treatment they have given us; that is to say, our parents are also the result of their own fears, their rigidity, their self-esteem and their own experiences, our parents are also the result of the experiences lived in their childhood and with their parents.. In their day they were also children and were determined by their experiences.

In short, we are the result of our ancestors. So much so that we are often unaware of the introjects that we absorb from our family and that we consider to be the norm in all other families. that we consider to be the norm in all other families.or we do not even question the origin of these beliefs.

For example, the fact that grandparents of many families fed so much and the obsession with food or always having a full pantry, often comes from the hunger that our grandparents and great-grandparents went through during the war, marking future generations and being an act of love to give food, because it was to give what we did not have.

In some families it is very important to study and culture, and so it is transmitted to the following generations, usually because some member could not study, had to work from an early age and lived it as a great frustration.

In other families, their members are hardly affectionate and there are no expressions of love, often because of childhood experiences.In other families, their members are hardly affectionate and there are no expressions of love, often because of hard childhood experiences of a parent, since it was usual years ago to send them to boarding schools from an early age and they did not receive the necessary affection; therefore, later they did not know how to give this affection.

These are some examples of the beliefs and influences that we have in each family, due to the past experiences of our parents, grandparents, etc.

Conclusion

We are the result of the experiences of our ancestors, and we are the result of to know and understand their experiences is to know and accept ourselves to a great extent.. It is the beginning to understand from where we act and take responsibility for our actions and the changes we can make, so as not to continue repeating patterns.